SOUL SCREAM - by Thomas Leavitt (leavitt@armory.com) Kurt is dead. We all know that by now, unless we live in some gawdawful place where the significance of this rates somewhere beneath the dogcatcher recall election.
So, I've collected the best stuff from the alt.music.nirvana newsgroup and solicited a bunch of articles.
Think of this as a tribute.
My initial reaction was: "What? oh shit! goddamn, that pisses me off... 'why'd you have to go and do it, Kurt?'
Man, we lost decades of music. Fuck, someday I'm gonna be fifty and he'll have been dead longer than he was alive, and I'll wonder what might have been.
Freaks me out, he was only 5 years older than I am... what the hell? Just goes to prove money don't buy happiness... manic-depressive, boy do I know that: just about every male in my family 'cept me has it. Not fun. Poor Kurt... man, the music just reached right into my insides and YANKED.
Aw, hell, man, why'd you have to go and do it? Fuck... first River, the dude who always picked *good* movies, now Kurt... Gen-X takes another couple hits to the gut.
Anyway, for what it's worth here it is: kurt is DEAD ... long live the music.
First, a series of articles I solicted over the Internet, then a series of captures I picked out of newgroups in a couple marathon sessions and edited into a readable form. I read somewhere that research indicates that best screen readability is 60 words across or less, large indentations, and 2 pages or less. Well, I hit two out of three, in most cases. Tell me what you think. I'm going to eventually put this in a hypertext linked WWW page, so it'll be more manageable, but for now, this is it, straight ASCII. Pointers to the more important stuff are included in the table of contents.
[As you can see, I've Hyperlinked it. :) Fun. -ED]
************************************************************ Sent to Minneapolis area newspaper that was looking for comments from people on-line, Fri, 15 Apr 94 5:03:50 PDT:
Kurt Cobains music reached right into the core of my consciousness and YANKED... it expressed the primal scream that echoes at the edge of my consciousness whenever I deal with the insanity of the world.
NEO-NAZI's were on my campus the other day... and the school paper managed to find two dorfs who actually let themselves be put on record saying, "They've got a lot of good points...". THEIR NAMES WERE IN THE PAPER for Chrissakes! Unbelievable.
The music always seemed to teeter on the abyss... there was a quality of suspension to it. Over the past few years, I've felt like I was running on empty... like I was Wile E. Coyote, kept from falling only by my own inertia, held up only by my lack of recognition that I'd had the ground yanked out from underneath me... much like the situation of my own generation.
We're all wandering around, carrying big dreams, big hopes, while we scrounge for work, juggle two, three part time jobs, and curse the obstacle course and barriers that seem to spring out of nowhere.
Dammit. Kurt and his music were ANGRY, FUCKED UP, CONFUSED, full of inchoate rage, bitterness, despair... driven by intense, slurred, blurred guitar riffs and bizarre, random lyrics. HE may not have spoken for my generation, but he spoke for me, and a lot of others I suspect... and his end, in a way, is quite fitting. Ultimately, he just couldn't deal with all the pain, the stress, the chaos and just totally freaked out and killed himself. Just as with River Phoenix, my initial reaction was: "That stupid fuck. Goddammit, why'd you have to go and do that, man? (Kinda pleading bewilderment here.) Man... shit. (Anger at the absurdity of the world.)"
I guess, to sum it up: Kurt's music--YES, finally, something that expresses the despair, rage and bewilderment with which I face the world every goddamn day. Kurt's life: seen it all too many times in my friends and aquaintaces... empathy, sorrow... testimony to the trials and tribulations of many of us. Kurt's death: sorrow, anger and bewilderment. And understanding.
Thomas Leavitt
************************************************************ I'm writing these words three days after Kurt Cobain was found in his Seattle home with a bullet in his head. It's hard to find the words to write about this, hard to navigate between the cultural impact and the personal impact, partly because it's hard to figure out how to separate them in my own mind.
_Nevermind_ *was* like a blast of fresh air for a lot of people, including me, when it first came out. The lyrics to songs like "Smells Like Teen Spirit", and the sharp riffs that backed them up, expressed a rage that was both poetic and incoherent. To this day, I'm still not sure what lines like "a mulatto / an albino / a mosquito / my libido" mean; but the way that Cobain delivered those lines, combined with the rolling power of the instrumentation, hit me in such a way that every time I hear the song feels like the first -- the power does not diminish with repitition. But it wasn't just the way Cobain and the other members of Nirvana played; the song itself had staying power, because Tori Amos' solo piano version was equally powerful, haunting where the original had felt exhilarating.
Simply put, there was a depth to Cobain's talents and abilities as a songwriter and a musician that will now never be fully explored, because his personal demons, the ones that Cobain battled in his public life (both as a performer and as a celebrity, a figure to be examined and interviewed and critiqued) and his private life, coalesced in an empty house and a shotgun. He's become a part of "that stupid club" as his mother referred to it (and in that reaction to her son's death, one might be inclined to see hints of the strained and painful relationships in his life), an increasing list of rock stars who die through one form of misadventure or another. One of the things that most pisses me off about the immediate response to Cobain's suicide is the number of commentators who are quick to blame the entire affair on Cobain's heroin use; if he had never tried drugs in the first place, the argument runs, he never would have felt the urge to kill himself. Which is patently stupid, and ignores the very real and very hurt person behind the media image (as one LA television station put it, the spokesman for the "disgruntled twentysomethings of the so-called Generation X") that they've been feeding to us ever since the release of _Nevermind_. It also typically refuses to lay any blame on the psychotic proliferation of guns and firearms within American culture. I don't want to get on too much of a political sopabox here, but if Cobain has a fight and locks himself in a room with three pistols, a shotgun, and *twenty-five* boxes of ammunition (as he did a few weeks before the suicide), something is seriously fucked. That a clearly disturbed (and I don't mean that in a perjorative or negative way) person like Cobain was able to purchase that kind of firepower without anybody stopping him -- or even worse, that somebody who knew him, knew what he was going through, would buy it for him -- is ludicrous. And still they say he's just another junkie whose life was fucked up by the heroin. Fuck.
A lot of things are spinning through my head right now. I'm thinking of the early rock legend Johnny Ace, who blew his brains out backstage playing Russian roulette. I'm thinking of that Smiths song "Paint A Vulgar Picture", the one that begins "At the record company meeting, on their hands a dead star" and outlines not only the crass hoopla with which the industry treats its dead but the emotional impact that a pop star can have on a receptive soul, somebody who opens up their heart and mind to the message, if there is any, in the music. I don't want to play "Spot the premonitions of suicide" with Cobain's lyrics -- I do know that to a lot of people, Cobain mattered, and that's what counts. Esa Saarinen writes, "To be a media figure is to be the object of uncontrolled emotions, projected on you with ridiculous self-assurance by complete strangers," the people that Morrissey refers to as "living in those ugly new houses". Us. The ordinary people who are left behind.
I'm thinking about Courtney Love a bit, too -- hard not to, of course, what with all the attention given to her arrest, as well as to the memorial tape, a document that I felt was very moving, a raw and honest expression at the anger that she felt at Kurt and at the world. And while everyone else is talking about how ironic "I swear I don't have a gun" was, I've actually got Pearl Jam song running through my head. Jeremy spoke in class today. And we all heard the report. Just don't let half-baked "experts" like Rachel Felder try to figure out what it meant for you. Have the courage and the conviction to figure it out for yourself, and always remember how precious life is. Don't buy into the creed of "life fast, die young", or the myth of the rock martyr. In the words of John Lydon, "Don't get fucked up by that dirty rock and roll lifestyle. It's not good for you at all."
KURT COBAIN 1967-1994
************************************************************ Now I have noticed a great deal of Kurt bashing, and he's an asshole, and what he did was stupid and he had everything to live for and he was a stain black mark period. I don't know, but it seems there is a colossal quantity of hatred and derision stored up in a good many people.
Andy Rooney did his bit to spit on Kurt Cobain and, through him, a large segment of the youth of the world. He asked 'what good are they doing, what are they contributing to society?' And went on to suggest we save our tears for another fellow listed in the same obituary, who was a generation or two older, and was a professor, and was into codebreaking in the big war, while writing Cobain off as a worthless aside and an overall waste of skin, to paraphrase, but not necessarily to exaggerate.
What did Kurt Cobain do that granted him the right to live on Earth without continual derision by those who would see him destroyed and forgotten? He (prhaps unwittingly...) became the spokesperson and mentor and living example that brought thousands upon thousands of like minded people with similar troubles and similar lifestyles together to stand at last upon some kind of common ground. People of that strain at last had something in common on a large scale that they could mutually agree upon, namely the general emotive tenets of glorious grunge.
Anti youth respectability bastions and other people who deserve to live and eat food basically despise anything to do with young people into grunge-like lifestyles, they believe them to be worthless leeches with nothing better to do than take drugs en masse and slack off, while 'contributing nothing to society.' Now here I might say that the selfless toilings of the generations past have paved the way for ease and comfort on the part of those who followed. It's true. Thank you old people, my forefathers, who took the level of land use and productivity to huge and unprecedented heights... you have indeed generated much wealth for human kind, and placed us on a higher plateau than at any time in history, and in much larger numbers to boot. I will not mention the hideious damage to the ecology of the Earth and the belittlement of industrial age human workers that was one of the side effects of this improvement, because that was more or less unforseeable at the time, and it is only after the backlash of our polution etc came back in unavoidable and noticeable form that humanity became aware of it, and hence driven by necessity to curtail the damage and repair it.
That is the essence of the position of the slacker generation, the people Kurt Cobain was loved by. The slackers have been educated to the problems of the ecosystem of Earth, and are left to make sense out of all the pieces. It is a frustrating task, and it is not easy to find paying and respectable jobs right away that reflect such a position. It is the slacker credo, more or less, to stop digging deeper and at and back to try to gather information that could one day be incorperated and utilized in a constructive society. I may be speaking for more people than I have a right to speak for, but what the hell, grandiosity seems grandiose.
The reason we are not, at present, visibly doing anything to support society, is because we know that to support society in the same way that, granted, raised the living standards of many many humans, would pose a definite drain upon the global ecosystem. The lifestyle that is today touted as being acceptable and worthy of praise, (namely good old working for a living.) has proven to be unsustainable in its present form, when practised by so many people. It is also unecessary for everyone to be toiling at menial tasks these days, because atomation has eliminated many jobs, and the rapid increase in overall productivity and wealth creating has left us with a surplus of resources. Similar to what happens in ant hills, when there are a certain percentage of ants who are 'slackers', and who do very little if anything, yet eat the bounty which other ants in the colony had worked hard for, humans seem to behave in a likewise fashion.
Following the path of least resistance, a living being will do as little as possible to keep itself alive. If the anthill is displaced, or a quantity of its inhabitants killed, then the lazy ants will begin to work. We humans on Earth are in a phase of relative bounty at the present time, and it is not necessary for all people to work all day all the time as soon as possible. We are in a phase where it is finally possible, and due to pollution and the precarious ecosystem, necessary, to stop driving in one direction and think through possible scenarios that could lead the world to higher, richer, and more sustainable lifestyles. The fraction of slackers who believe it possible to turn aroun a dying world could be said to fit this category; the waiters, and the planners in the background.
Some slackers are not educated to the possabilities of a workable global ecosystem, and are of the bleak future get your kicks now variety. Maybe they are differently educated. I count myslelf lucky that I can be duped into believing that 'it can all be worked out'. Whatever. I'm in no hurry.
Now Kurt Cobain I guess figured he had nothing to live for. I figure, because of personal biases, that he was in a relationship with Courtney Love that was not supportive to his masculinity, and their having a child and sealing their future in a long term sense must have blown a hole through his optimism. Maybe not. No offense to Courney, it's just that sometimes relations between two people get into ruts, and it is extremely hard to get out of them. I had this recently, thats why i mention it. It does seem however that In Utero was predominantly concerned with his griping about being married and having kids. He has his own pet virus. On and on over much of the album. I figured his relationship with Courtney was a bad one, and the Bean must have blown his mind. No offense whatever to the Bean or the wife. Men are weak and if it doesn't go exactly the way they like it we get annoyed and whiney. Feminism has gone too far to the extreme, and they resent far too much the stereotypical male behaviour, in fact I can safely say that hardcore feminists embody in their hatred and harshness all those male traits they are fighting to destroy. Calm down, even ground. We are sorry for a few thousand years of subservience, ladies, but the big black book just seemed so important at the time. Its all over now, for the most part, thanks in part to your rebellion. Now stop rebelling and be friends, huh? I am no big deal. Male power is addictive. I love it, but I will not use it to belittle or subjugate females, trust me. Kurt I think had made a similar commitment.
O.K, no brilliant conclusions, but Kurt was a good man, and he made the best of his troubles for as long as he could. It is sad he did not find any solutions, exept the one. The biggie. Sarcastically judging from the shitty reaction of many people towards Kurt, post mortem, I would say that according to them his self sacrifice was the right thing to do, you know, leaving the world for the good people, the contributors. I can look thousands of people in the eye these days, partly because Kurt Cobain sung so succinctly of the life so many of us lead. I am in love with the crowd, and I thank Kurt for drawing that crowd together in the first place.
************************************************************ Kurdt died for our sins. I am far from being a theological expert on much, yet I know that Christianity affirms that Jesus was sent to show the world it wrong.
Now, certainly Kurdt is far from divine and was probably not sent by anyone, but he has managed to show the world its problems up to his death.
Jesus was a revolutionary that led nothing. Jesus played on the feeling of revolution that was in the Israeli air -- he used the desire to change as his medium to speak to the people. Shailer Mathews said of Jesus, "without leading a revolt, he was to live and teach in the atmosphere of revolution, use the language of revolution, make the revolutionary spirit the instrument of his message, and organize a movement composed of men who awaited a divinely given new age."
Kurdt was the same. Kurdt did not, nor did he desire to, lead anybody in any movement whatsoever. Kurdt's music was barely commentary, it was, in fact, simply his semi-personal thoughts put on display. It seems to me that his power-chord anger and repeated, unintelligible lyrics were as close to real anger as music can come. Hardcore cleans up their music, blasting in short packets of hate; and angry glam-pop is no deeper than its lyrics. Because Kurdt saw little importance in actually _caring_ what the music portrayed, he managed to portray his ideas more efficiently than anyone had in the past.
This was the "atmosphere of revolution" that Kurdt utilized to "change the world". Anger. Nirvana was popular because people could use it to hate very easily. Few people I know can avoid sneering and screaming when they hear the likes of "Paper Cuts", "Beeswax", or "Smells Like Teen Spirit". Many people, including myself, had wandered around for years inherently despising a lot of things, but only "hated" when it didn't matter. Then, all of the sudden, Kurdt displays his anger and speckled past for the Top-40 world and all these people find a saviour.
Kurdt was also like Jesus in his death. True Christians do good things because Jesus died for them. Jesus pointed out the problems by dying. I don't think Kurdt was making a social commentary through his suicide, but I think that he said something indirectly. He showed America that the American dream is wrong, that success is far from being important. Kurdt rose out of a lower-class, Aberdeen, Wa. family to become a millionaire with a new house in Seattle. Kurdt was to guitar-playing teenagers what Michael Jordan is to the children on Harlem basketball courts. But then he showed his emulators how dreadfully twisted the world is. His life was filled with pain throughout, but he wasn't really sick of it until he had the money and fame to cope with it. Kurdt died with his middle finger up towards success and corporate perversion. And as much as people will want to avoid it, Kurdt is proof that the American dream is fucked.
No, Kurdt is not divine, or sent to do the world a favor. He didn't think so, and had no intentions of looking so. Nonetheless, he did a lot for people with his music, and, though many fans don't think so now, did a lot for them by putting a shotgun to his idolized head.
I hope this pissed you off...
"Gotta find a way, a better way"
JEZMUND, TFB ************************************************************ What can you say about a 27 year old man who destroys himself? Especially when he's wealthy, and successful in his chosen field?
I sure as hell don't know.
A young guy with a promising future and recent mega-success blows his head off with a shotgun. It is a great tragedy--not so much to the "music world," whatevert that is, but to the real world, where lives can become so knotted up that self-destruction seems to be a viable option.
Many have been highly critical of what Kurt Cobain did, with the old *permanent solution to a temporary problem* argument trotted out on cue. It's hard to counter that position. The great cruelty of suicide is always that the one who kills himself is irrevokably gone--but many more helpless victims are left behind. As much as I wish he hadn't done it, though, I refuse to fault Kurt Cobain for bumping himself.
Shortly after his body was discovered on April 8, I checked the alt.music.nirvana newsgroup. And i must confess to being surprised at the level of hostility in some of the postings.
--All he had to do was retire a rich man at age 27, instead of a poor corpse at age 27. Suicide is such a loser way out.--
This was not an uncommon sentiment, in the days immediately following Cobain's death. Among other things, he was reviled as an "acid dropping, drug-taking, wife-beating asshole;" another posting said, "At least he went out with a BANG." This, to me, was almost as troubling as the suicide itself. How could any presumed fan spit on Cobain's corpose before it was even cold?
--I don't think he's gonna be anything like a "Jim Morrison of the 90s" as I've heard some say already. In a few months, a year at most, this'll die down.--
When people identify strongly with an artist's work, they sometimes forget that it is only through the work that they know that artist. The truth is that no one can know what was really going on inside Kurt Cobain's head. No one can know the pressures he was subjected to after being catapulted by the media into the position of Generation X leading light. No one can really know the extent of the damage done to him during his childhood, or the lingering effects it had on his adulthood.
But from the available evidence, it must have been pretty bad.
This is one of the really troubling aspects of the entire incident, as far as I'm concerned--the pschological baggage that Kurt Cobain was obviously carrying around. His widow made reference to the "Cobain Curse," meaning that Cobain men tend to kill themselves when the going gets rough. In support of this she pointed to three of his uncles who also did the ultimate deed.
While I tend to view Cobain's suicide with compassion, news of this so-called curse has really infuriated me. I most definitely do not believe in curses, family or otherwise. But I DO believe in self-fulfilling prophecies, and the suggestion that Kurt Cobain was allowed to grow up believing that suicide might well be his destiny is something that I find appalling. It is the only truly unforgivable aspect of the whole sordid affair.
--Sorry, Kurt. Wish we could have helped you.--
And kept you from joining that stupid club.
************************************************************ "I want to eat your cancer when you turn back."
How's this for bitterness:
I got a copy of a .WAV file with Courtney reading/sobbing through excerpts of Kurt's suicide letter at the vigil. I'll remix it into a punk/grunge anger song called, "This Song's So Tragic, You Can Dance to It."
I don't want money
Let's just dance
Take these pills
When theey find me
I bought a shotgun
This thing called life AND
I've heard some comparisons between the sudden deaths of Kurt Cobain and John Lennon and what that means to each of the respective generations.
Lennon was the voice of his generation. His was a voice of optimism, love, and spiritual fullness. He struggled against an obvious enemy--a government at war with a political ideal, and sometimes, with their own people. When that voice was silenced in 1981, those struggles had already been resolved. In fact, the generation itself had emerged as the same establishment it had once fought. The loss of Lennon heralded the decade of greed-- How ironic that a generation which protested a war over ideology would later promote a war over crude oil interests.
Cobain, although arguably not popular enough to be called the voice of his generation, was certainly a true voice for many people. His voice echoed the sentiments of despair, disillusionment, confusion, and spiritual emptiness among his many fans. And like the fans of Lennon, the fans of Cobain fought with him against a common enemy. This enemy was far more insidious and persistent than Lennon's enemy. This enemy was the self.
The difference between Lennon and Cobain is that Lennon won his struggle, and Cobain lost his. While Lennon's generation was empowered by their victory over the government, Cobain's generation can only be further disillusioned, confused, and withdrawn by the loss of the voice of their leader. Those who ask, "Where were his friends? What about his daughter? His wife? His fans? His music? His talent? His money?" forget Cobain's basic struggle. Cobain struggled against himself, against his own pain, against his very existence. And at the pinnacle of his success, he must have realized that the very thing he struggled against had become larger than he could possibly manage. He was Kurt Cobain, front man for Nirvana, pioneer of the Seattle sound, a cash cow for the major label he signed to. His success and public prominence loomed larger than the ten year old Kurt, the one whose parents divorced, the one who was bounced from relative to relative, the one whose stomach trouble brought drug problems, the one who was mocked for pursuing painting. Those issues were never resolved for Cobain. And in the end, the Goliath of his success consumed the humble gentle man which was Kurt himself.
I mourn for Kurt Cobain because he was a man who fought his battle well. He pursued his passions, his dreams, and his love with vigor and integrity. He attained success in so many ways which most of us can never know. Yet, none of those things-- his wife, his daughter, his music, his passion-- were enough to conquer the demons which haunted him. Some of you say, "If _I_ had a wife; if _I_ had a daughter; if _I_ had success; if _I_ had such love; if _I_ had such passion; then I would be happy, then I would never kill myself." Perhaps at one point, Kurt said those very words. And after pursuing happiness and all that life could offer with far more vigor, intensity, and success than millions of others, he STILL was miserable, he STILL could not live with himself. I respect him for trying, and I love him for sharing his struggles with us. I shall remember him for how he lived, to the fullest and without reservation, with kindness and humility. That he lost his struggle is of no consequence. He fought an epic battle, and will still be my hero.
Ming
Kurt Cobain 1967 - 1994 There will always be something sad, pathetic and wasteful associated with the premature demise of Kurt Cobain. The paradox that he created within his own life eventually drove him to end it. His disillusionment with the fame and success that he brought upon himself, married with his desire to carry on being rich and famous. His fear of failure and his suicide note containing his regrets at "faking" his performances. These are just small insights into his confused state of mind when he chose to take his own life.
As a unwitting cross bearer for countless other deluded twenty-somethings Cobain lost touch with the fans who he really tried to bring his message to. As the army of Nirvana fans increased, not just those who understood his post punk anguish, but those who would just jump on any hyped bandwagon. Kurt saw the people he hated attending his gigs, he saw that the crown of poularity being placed on his head. He equally felt uncomfortable with both. He felt that he was cheating himself, and cheating himself was far more important than cheating his fans.
His drug problems, arguments with Courtney and his medical problems also will have had some bearing on the way he felt during his final days.
Why did Nirvana do things that other bands couldn't. Kurt was so messed inside, so concerned with the "being", he brought another dimension to the Angst filled punk music of the previous decades. He looked inside whilst so many other messages of today reflect what is going on outside. This self study resulted directly from the self doubt and his loner nature. Nirvana's music though broke down some of the barriers that many others felt. The message was in the music, not that "someone cares" or, "everything will be alright", but there are others who know how YOU feel, there are others who understand what is going on.
The music produced was violent, but restrained, tortured, but hopeful, and always seemed to be teetering on the edge of falling into the abyss. This living on the edge feel is just exactly how Kurt felt.
It'll never been understood the exact reasons why Kurt didn't feel he could continue. Many people have expressed that with his money he could run from the fame and never work again, that he could afford anything. I think that Kurt was just as addicted to the pain of his fame as he was to the drugs he used to escape his own physical pain. He couldn't have quit no matter how hard he tried. His anguish must have been great. This was the second attempt he had made on his own life (the first being his 60 pill and Champagne binge in Italy that put him in a coma only weeks before). To leave his daughter to face the rest of her life alone, to leave his fans who had heard his message the stark realities of his depression = death. For these things he cannot be forgiven.
His only mitigation is that he had written and told everyone what was going to happen. His tortured music, lyrics, interviews and lifestyle all point to self destruction. That no-one was able to help him is a refelction on everyone who ever heard his message. Suicide was going to be the only way, as always, he was looking inside and didn't wish to lose control.
PEACE. LOVE. EMPATHY.
mik
*****************************************************************
//END ARTICLES SUBMITTED THROUGH E-MAIL; BEGIN NET-CAPTURES
INTERNATIONAL POP OVERTHROW - Jesse Garon (j_garon@io.com)
SLACKER DEMIGOD? * - Paul Tyrell (ptyrell@amtsgi.bc.ca)
JESU KURTE * - Ritchie Eppink
WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? * - John Kelin (kelin@rmtc.Central.Sun.COM)
SONG AND VOICE * - Eu-Ming Lee (ming@interaccess.com)
KURT COBAIN TRIBUTE - Mik Stevens
* indicates I picked the title
NET-CAPTURES:
ELEGY - couple of 'em
NIRVANA SINGER KURT COBAIN DEAD from Reuters News Service
BOWIE - Lyrics from Rock'n'Roll Suicide
FRONT PORCH - tribute song
DETAILS excerpts - Kurt speaks about stomach pain and herion.
KURT AND GAYS - included is a cross posting containing excerpts from an article where Kurt talks about growing up in Aberdeen and being beaten to shit repeatedly because he was thought to be gay.
PERFORMANCE ARTIST - Kurt as...
LESTER BANGS ON PETER LAUGHNER - the more things change, the more things stay the same, impassionate, startlingly relevant to today.
INSIDERS ACCOUNT - anonymous post by someone who knew someone close to Kurt, tells about last days and frantic search.
EXCERPTS FROM KURTS NOTE in Boston Globe article
STELLA BLUE - by the Grateful Dead
KURT AS MEDIA PERSONALITY - long, thoughtful net post, very good
DISCOGRAPHY - list of all the ablums and assorted tracks
LENNON LYRICS - Yer Blues and Working Class Hero
NEVERMIND LYRICS
MEDIA SUMMARY - net person summarizes media coverage, includes
TIMELINE - of Kurts last days
POEMS - haiku and other stuff
SARTRE - excerpt appropos
COURTNEY READS KURTS NOTE - plus, where you can find a .WAV (digital recording) of this.
EDITORIAL
ORGANIZATION
SOUL SCREAM
Thomas Leavitt (leavitt@armory.com) (editor)
INTERNATIONAL POP OVERTHROW
Jesse Garon (j_garon@io.com)
j_garon international pop overthrow
------- +++++++ Jesse Garon +++++++
@io.com unorthodox economic revenge
SLACKER DEMIGOD? *
Paul Tyrell (ptyrell@amtsgi.bc.ca)
JESU KURTE *
Ritchie Eppink (rte@hopper.itc.virginia.edui)
...john, ian, janis....no
Kurdt was a Jesus in the way he saw the world and in the way he decided to leave.
rte@hopper.itc.virginia.edu
WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? *
John Kelin (kelin@rmtc.Central.Sun.COM)
SONG AND VOICE *
Eu-Ming Lee (ming@interaccess.com)--I like getting email.
I don't want fame
I just wanna go
Like Kurt Cobain.
and have some fun
Then end our lives
with a big shotgun.
Drink champagne
I just wanna go
Like Kurt Cobain.
I'll be dead.
I want my fans
to eat my head.
To blow out my brains
I'm gonna go
Like Kurt Cobain.
Ain't so tragic
When I'm dead
You can dance to it.
of the self-titled twenty-whatever generation.
KURT COBAIN TRIBUTE
Mik Stevens (stevensm@cs.man.ac.uk)
-------------------------
* indicates editor's title, just fyi
From: bu313@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Neil P. Kelly)
Newsgroups: alt.music.nirvana
Subject: MTV's uses for Kurt's body.
Date: 9 Apr 1994 23:26:33 GMT
1. Judge in Lip Service.
2. Stick him next to Howard on Jon Stewart.
3. Guest on Jon Stewart.
4. Hang him from the rafters on MTV JAMS.
5. Cameraman for the Real World.
6. Real World in Seattle, with the guy from Mother Love Bone.
7. huh-huh, huh-huh.
8. Kurt Loder's co-anchor. (Hell, he'll offer more insight than
Tabitha Soren.)
9. Replacement for Cindy on House Of Style.
10. Red Johnny and the Dead Guy.
Seriously, if he had been found today (Saturday) do you think
they would have gone with the Nirvanathon or Spring Break
repeats?
Why the Nirvana tribute...only one's dead (so far).
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-Neil Kelly knvo@vm.marist.edu
From: mbur@nyx10.cs.du.edu (MAC)
Subject: Proposal: Kurt Cobain fan group
Date: Sun, 10 Apr 94 15:15:18 GMT
In article {2o8a2i$1ud@amhux3.amherst.edu},
Tim Pierce {twpierce@unix.amherst.edu} wrote:
}In article {2o7uq2$dk7@stc06r.ctd.ornl.gov}
}Dave Sill {de5@sws1.ctd.ornl.gov} wrote:
}}Nope, I issued the newgroup (from another system) after I'd
seen at least half a dozen different people request it.
}I must compliment you on your extraordinary timing, Dave.
}Perhaps you're right -- I should pipe down and listen to you
}a little more often, since you seem to have this alt thing
}honed to a fine science.
}
Yes it seems that in this case he was right on.
However, I am now opening up the discussion period for:
alt.fan.kurt-cobain.dead.dead.dead
or
alt.fan.kurt-cobain.bang.bang.bang
I am kinda leaning toward the second. Discuss.
MAC
ELEGY
From: frega@ils.nwu.edu (James Dixon)
Subject: Elegy for Kurt
Date: 8 Apr 1994 19:53:52 GMT
"Elegy for Kurt"
His funeral is like your own cellular centralizer,
it buzzes softly.
Kurt Cobain longs for his delectable originality that he
cradles.
Kurt Cobain worries for his vagina.
Their evangelical beagle gives to creepy Courtney Love.
My bliss kisses
affably if immediately.
Kurt Cobain despairs.
From: frega@ils.nwu.edu (Don Frega)
Subject: Elegy for Kurt
Date: 11 Apr 1994 18:28:26 GMT
His funeral is like your own cellular centralizer,
it buzzes softlyÉ
Kurt Cobain longs for his delectable originality that he
cradles.
Kurt Cobain worries for his vagina.
Their evangelical beagle gives to creepy Courtney Love.
My bliss kisses affably if immediately.
Kurt Cobain despairs.
Pantheisms will be nonconformist furies!
Must his cantankerous espresso give things to the familial
ambition?
His cloud suffers for his rock,
More than one contemporary conviction receives from Frances
Bean.
Their elves show something to too few agonies.
Would you pay 52 dollars to get used to his creepy
allegorical rock?
My philosophers extract from her
an ephemeral belligerence is
an authority.
Kurt Cobain hopes for Hell-
his pigheaded flow is his plastic causation.
try to refuse,
to anatomize with ease,
With Stones,
Kurt Cobain sees.
A fear is a context.
His concept
with despair.
Most measures want things from Eddie Vedder;
do not receive from falls.
This extracurricular antagonism is like innumerable asylums.
Kurt Cobain disappears loudly, angrily.
From: hofmank@ERE.UMontreal.CA (Hofman Karen)
Subject: the last humming of the doomed.
Date: Fri, 8 Apr 1994 23:50:33 GMT
The "in Utero" album was officialy to be released "I HATE MYSELF
and WANT to DIE.".
what made him do it ?
He had a family and was a success blah, blah, blah. Well I can
tell you that he probably got sick of this sick and festering
disease of a world we live in. His death might not achieve too
much, but it is an act that represents well our generation. It is
not an advocation for suicide but more like a sign of our time.
It's sad when we see an icon of our generation go like this. Its
sadder to think that this was his last statement to the world:
one of hopelessness. It's up to us to not let it go unnoticed.
Peter
From: margolyn@oregon.uoregon.edu (Margo George)
Subject: Re: the last humming of the doomed.
Date: 9 Apr 1994 05:30:55 GMT
"Busted Flat In Baton Rouge, Waitin' for A Train
Feelin' Near as faded as my jeans
Bobbie Thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained
We took it all the way to New Orleans...
Freedom's just another word for 'nothin' left to lose
Nothin' it ain't nothin' hon, if it ain't free
Well, feelin' good was easy lord, when he sang the blues,
Feelin' good was good enough for me
Good enough for me and my Bobbie McGee"
So 20 years plus ago, the question was, why did Janice let it
happen
Its the same principle, ain't it? What freaks, me is I've been
singing this song for like a week, and Curt's been dead now a
week, and we didn't even know it... Why WHY WHY. I grew up
there, I'm older, I have less to give up he had so WHY DID HE DO
IT?
MARGOLYN@OREGON.UOREGON.EDU
From: jrb@netcom.com (Jeff Beall)
Subject: News Announcement
Date: Sat, 9 Apr 1994 01:03:19 GMT
NIRVANA SINGER KURT COBAIN DEAD
SEATTLE (Reuter) - Kurt Cobain, the troubled leader of one
of the world's more popular rock bands Nirvana, has died, his
management said Friday, and the cause appeared to be suicide.
Cobain, 27, was found by an electrician earlier Friday as he
was doing repairs on the singer's Seattle home. A gun and a
suicide note were near the body, Seattle police said.
Cobain had been resting at home since recovering from a
drug-induced coma in Rome last month. He has kept guns in the
house from time to time.
``We are deeply saddened by the loss of such a telented
artist, close friend, loving husband and father," his management,
Gold Mountain Entertainment, said.
``The intensity and creativity of Kurt's musics and his
thoughts will always be treasured. Kurt's music has transcended
beyond the popular to speak to millions around the world.
``Painfully Kurt's passions and feelings about his fame
overwhelmed him. We will miss him, his music, and his friendship
deeply."
With their punk-influenced music and angst-ridden lyrics,
Nirvana were by far the most successful of Seattle's ``grunge"
rock bands. His death is one of the biggest tragedies to hit the
rock world.
Transmitted: 94-04-08 16:59:00 EDT
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence &
nothingness."
Samuel Beckett
-------------------------jrb@netcom.com--------------------------
From: shahed@netcom.com (Shahed Amanullah)
Subject: Post Mortem
Date: Sat, 9 Apr 1994 01:39:56 GMT
Geez, this newsgroup is hardly a week old. There's no justice in
this world.
Kurt soaked up the pain for a whole generation. I hurt a little
bit more now that he's gone. I guess it was just inevitable.
Goodbye, Kurt. Say hello to Frances Farmer for me.
=================================================================
shahed amanullah see the happy moron!
san francisco, california he doesn't give a damn!
shahed@netcom.com i wish i were a moron!
phone 415.668.8960 (my God! perhaps i am)
=================================================================
FRONT PORCH
From: frost@netcom.com (John Frost)
Subject: Lyrics for Kurt
Date: Sat, 9 Apr 1994 02:23:17 GMT
Someone said that to martyr the man was wrong. To savor the
lyrics of his songs was to celebrate the man who abused his body
with drugs and who fought with his wife and who was not a
republican and didn't sing christian hymms.
(well maybe he didn't say all that, but the trend was there)
I got mad, I got depressed, I got sentimental. And when I get
sentimental I get artsy. So failing to make anything out of my
High School singing career I am writing these lyrics in hopes
that Somewhere Kurt is listening and understanding a whole lot
better today, then he did when he plugged himself full of lead.
-Front Porch-
by John Frost
On the Front Porch of the house
There is a depression
Which the water fills in the rain
each time I must go outside
To sweep away the pain
before that depression becomes a stain
And when I'm done
it rains again
And in the summer
In the Hot and dry
I go outside to be the sky
Then High in the sky
the thunder clouds arrive
A flashflood in my mind
And when I'm down
It rains again
So he is fallen
So he is gone
So the world is not undone
So the rain
So the sun
So the sky is all come down
And when he's gone
It rains again.
1994
Kurt Cobain 1967-1994
From: u9314461@muss.cis.mcmaster.ca (L. Ruppenthal)
Subject: Death can be ok too...
Date: Sat, 9 Apr 1994 08:30:28 GMT
Although I'm curious as to why he did it, I realize that
it's been done. Why is this all seen as such a horrific thing?
It's sort of beautiful in a way. Think about it ...
He lived a life, relatively short, but oh what a life. He
had lots of pain, seemed to have some happiness and he
experienced a lot, and gave so much more for others to
experience.
But he chose to die ... and so what? Life is definitely
full of experiences, good and bad. Death is the final
experience. Consider that maybe Cobain was finally ready for
death, maybe he just wanted to call it a day and shuffle off this
mortal coil. Yes, it's sad to those he left behind - his family,
friends and fans. They will miss him and remember him. But we
should only be sad to a point. Consider the happiness that is
involved. You must remember this: Kurt WANTED to die. I will
not be against such a wish - I can only respect the grace and
nobility of wishing to fulfill one's own destiny.
There can be no doubt as to the week (or perhaps years) of
hell prior to this final decision. But a decision was made -
most importantly, a PERSONAL decision. And who knows where he is
now? Perhaps he discovered the elusive nirvanna at last, perhaps
he resides in limbo, maybe even Dante's basement. But whichever
it is, he's there now - and he chose the path himself. Respect
that. Make sure not to forget, but most importantly, be happy!
All I do know is this: I'm glad to have had the opportunity
to love this man, hate him and be indifferent to him - all at the
same time.
Perhaps death is sweeter than it seems ...
Leo
--Have fun Kurt, you worked hard for it.
--} L.D. Ruppenthal {u9314461@muss.cis.mcmaster.ca}
--} McMaster University (905) 574+5545
--}
--} Why do you still haunt me?
From: EGS2G2I@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Scott Garrison)
Subject: Re: L8R, Kurt....
Date: Sat, 09 Apr 1994 17:04
In article {16F93106F0.HCROSS@kentvm.kent.edu},
HCROSS@kentvm.kent.edu (Heather Cross) writes:
}"I'm not like them, I can pretend.......I think I'm dumb, maybe
just happy."
}
}How I wish that would have been the case.
}
}My Dad, who is 46 yrs. old, heard the news and told me it
}reminded him of when John Lennon was shot--he told me, "It's the
}same feeling of 'It's getting to the point where I don't want to
}listen to music anymore'; I feel like something like this always
}happens to the ones I like."
}
}I'm just glad Kurt didn't kill himself 8 years ago--I'm glad we
}got to hear what we did.
}
}Nirvana was Kurt, in a lot of ways, and I will always respect
}the man who breathed life back into Rock and Roll.
}
}I'm saddened that he felt that he had no other options.....
}and he left one person a widow and another person fatherless.
}
}
}Kurt, we hardly knew ya...
}thanks for staying as long as you did.
}
}and thanks for the music...
}
}
}Heather
}
}"We'll float around, hang out on clouds..."
}
}----------------------------------------------------------------
} Heather Cross
} hcross@kentvm.kent.edu
}----------------------------------------------------------------
Right on, Heather. This is the best of the lot that I've scanned
on this newsgroup since yesterday. Thanks for articulating in
concise and simple terms the idea that we were lucky to have Kurt
Cobain's music as long as we did. Personally, I'm sorry he's
gone, but I'm also interested in seeing what Novoselic and Grohl
do next with whatever projects they'll start next.
With respect,
SG
BOWIE
From: HCROSS@kentvm.kent.edu (Heather Cross)
Subject: One last thing......
Date: Sat, 09 Apr 94 19:50:57 EDT
"Rock'n'Roll Suicide" by David Bowie
Time takes a cigarette
Puts it in your mouth
You pull on your finger, then another finger,
Then your cigarette.
The wall-to-wall is calling...
It lingers, then you forget
You're a Rock'n'Roll Suicide
You're too old to lose it..
Too young to choose it
And the clock waits so patiently on your song.
You walk past the cafe..
But you don't eat when you've lived too long
You're a Rock'n'Roll suicide.
Chev brakes are snarling, as you stumble across the road
But the day breaks instead so you hurry home.
Don't let the sun blast your shadow
Don't let the milk floats ride your mind
So natural....religiously unkind
Oh no love! You're not alone
You're watching yourself, but you're too unfair
You got your head all tangled up,
But if I could only make you care
Oh no love, you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you're seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share; I'll help you with the pain
You're not alone... just turn on with me.
You're not alone... let's turn on and be
You're not alone... gimme your hands.
You're wonderful... gimme your hands.
-from _Ziggy Stardust_
From: srohde@sun1.iusb.indiana.edu (SEAN JAFFEE ROHDE)
Subject: Re: sucks it's true
Date: Sun, 10 Apr 1994 00:49:26 GMT
it's kind of wierd having him dead now. i used to find myself
wondering what he'll be doing 25 years from now. nothing now i
guess. it was a stupid thing to do. i don't respect him for it,
but i don't blame him for it. he was pretty screwed up before,
and had lots of problems. to bad he couldn't deal with life like
mark arm does. he just does his musicdoes his own thing, and
ignores the rest. everybody's different though. he has definitely
places himself in legend land. instead of fading away, he cut
himself off at the peak of his career. i feel sorry for his kid.
i'm glad i made it my hobbie of the past 4 years to collect
nirvana bootlegs. he gave me that. or something. this news thing
is confusing. sad. owell.
Subject: Rest In Peace Kurt Cobain
From: agross@hulaw1.harvard.edu
Date: 9 Apr 94 20:43:23 EDT
Summer of 1991 - I went to London for the summer. Nirvana were
playing the Reading Festival, and since Bleach (esp. School) was
a record I really loved I though it would be really cool to see
them. Nirvana played the afternoon scene, with the "small" bands.
Before Dinosuar Jr., and way before Sonic Youth and headliner
Iggy Pop. At the end of the show Kurt did that jump into the
drums now documanted in the Lithium video. No wonder he was with
a cast on his arm for the rest of the festival. One song they did
was "Teen Spirit" - but who expected that to be played every 5
minutes on MTV? So when coming home I discovered Teen Spirit soon
became a hit, the rest of the summer of 1991 was all about
Nirvana... Coming, a year later, to a new school in a new
country, I turned my TV on as I entered my new dorm room. MTV
played Lithium. I was relaxed. If Nirvana are the first thing I
see here, things can't be that strange or difficult. Now he's
gone. For our generation - he will always symbolize something.
For being the first popular star of punk rock, for sharing our
angst at the fact that there's "no recess" (School). For making
great music.
Aeyal Gross
From: hofmank@ERE.UMontreal.CA (Hofman Karen)
Subject: The last Humming of the Doomed.part 2
Date: Sun, 10 Apr 1994 20:41:23 GMT
Lines: 24
The ultimate statement of the 90's ?
Maybe not.
BUt it is a sign. A sign that some of us here are tired of this
festering pissed-off, dog-eat-dog masturbation of a world. A sign
that some of us are about to give up. A easy way out ? maybe. But
there is a something to get out of this. money, wealth and
success is obsolete.it is not because of that that the world is
suddenly beautiful. Maybe it will start a thread, who knows ? I
see it already. fifteen year old's blowin'their head all around
the world as a form of protest. stupid ? absolutely, but it goes
for quite a statement. When a man on the top of his hill take his
life like this I think it's time to look around. I think it's
time to take a hard look at this society. I also think its time
to get up and do something. before someone YOU know do the same.
Peter
I have seen to many of my friends go that way (or others) that it
is hard for me to sit here and ignore it all.there is a similar
disease to all those death,and it's time to cure it.
From: 4mckenzie_m@spcvxb.spc.edu (Markmeister)
Subject: Kurt Cobain: Thoughts
Date: 11 Apr 94 12:53:47 GMT
Well, over here on the East Coast, it's still taking a while to
sink in.....
I don't understand why this is a joke to some people. Suicide
never is a joke. What happened to K. Cobain was sad, yes, but it
should NEVER be the butt of someone's joke. Neither should all
of this speculation about why he did what he did. And all this
shit about "Hey, next it's Eddie Vedder"--Come on!! Are we that
stupid and insensitive?
Another great artist gone before his time. More color gone from
the world.
M. Mckenzie
St. Peter's College
DETAILS
From: shm@netcom.com (Scott H. Magoon)
Subject: Article in Details magazine
Date: Mon, 11 Apr 1994 12:25:48 GMT
I have the November 1993 issue of Details magazine here with an
article on Nirvana. In it Kurt talks about the chronic stomach
problems that he says caused him to start using heroin. I want
to quote one paragraph on that subject:
"Imagine the worst stomach flu you've ever had, every single
day. And it was worse when I ate, because once the meal would
touch that red area I would hyperventilate, my arms would turn
numb, and I would vomit. I was suicidal on our last tour - I
really wanted to blow my head off. And so when we got home I
decided to do heroin every day because obviously a heavy narcotic
is going to stop the pain. The whole time I was doing drugs I
didn't have stomach problems."
Kurt ends the article with these thoughts:
"I'm looking forward to a few more years of playing with this
band. Then a few years later I might say a few years more. I
don't try to predict the future, but I know I'm not going to be
rich for the rest of my life. I have money now, but within ten
years we'll blow it. I'll have to get a job or have a solo
career or something equally embarrassing."
Goodbye, Kurt.
KURT AND GAYS
From: jamshid@happy.cc.utexas.edu (Jamshid Afshar)
Subject: Re: Kurt and Michael Stipe
Date: 13 Apr 1994 04:03:03 -0500
In article {andrean-110494200206@elvex33.acns.nwu.edu},
Andrea Norstad {andrean@merle.acns.nwu.edu} wrote:
}In article {rigorCo452p.4M7@netcom.com}, rigor@netcom.com (sam
brown) wrote:
}} i know michael stipe was gay, maybe they were lovers and he
couldnt face reality of coming out .. j/k [j/k = joke, editor]
}
}I might be missing something that everyone else in the world
knows, but I never knew Michael Stipe is gay. Where did you hear
this?
I'm not sure that Michael Stipe is gay, and I know he hasn't come
out publicly. Michael Musto, the Village Voice gossip columnist,
ran a blind rumor column a couple of years ago where he said
something to the effect "what singer for that newly commercial
rock band says he's not gay but doth protest too much...?". At
the time (maybe based on some other hints) I remember thinking,
oh, that's gotta be Michael Stipe, and it's stuck in my mind ever
since.
Anyway, back to Kurt, I doubt he was gay, though he was always
pretty outspoken about gay rights. I remember reading in an
article right after teen spirit broke that "the lead singer" had
a minor criminal record for spray-painting "homosex rules" on a
bridge somewhere. I also read in the Voice that when Nirvana
first went on Sat. Night Live, the producers censored, or the
cameras just didn't catch, a small makeout session between Kurt
and Krist (the bassist) right before their set. And didn't they
do some early MTV appearance in pretty summer frocks (*long*
before James)? Finally, I've read that Cobain claimed in an
_Advocate_ interview that if it wasn't for Courtney he'd be a
practicing bisexual. That clinches it for me -- too cool to be
closeted. If he really wanted to have sex with a man I'm sure he
had every chance to, but apparently never took anyone up
on it (so to speak).
Kurt's NYT obit even mentioned his pro-gay stance: "Mr. Cobain
has said that he always sympathized with homosexuals and felt
trapped in the male culture of Aberdeen [his hometown]. He said
that, as a teenager, he often felt that young men had no choice
but to play sports and eventually work as loggers in the lumber
mills". I also liked the acknowledgement that "When the grunge
look became a fashion rage, ending up in K-mart, Mr. Cobain took
note of the irony that that is where the look started".
Anyway, I was deeply saddened by Cobain's death. I was looking
forward to at least one more good Nirvana album and was really
curious what Cobain would do next. Okay, so I didn't buy Bleach
before Nevermind, but their lyrics move me like only a few others
do (eg, Bob Mould's). *And* In Utero is one of the reasons I'm
saving up for better speakers.
I've always respected Nirvana because they seemed intelligent and
very self aware. I never got the feeling that Cobain was trying
to do anything but antagonize his promoters, and he certianly
didn't seem to be *trying* to attract millions of fans. He was
honest with his image, never pretending to be indifferent to his
success or bullshitting about how much he hates it, like that
lead singer of another band that unfortunately gets lumped with
Nirvana. Obviously, Cobain's "whining" was very heartfelt.
An important point was raised in another thread about Cobain
becoming a member of "that stupid club". We must remember that
he didn't die of an overdose, passed out and choking on his own
vomit. He got a gun, pointed it to his head and pulled the
trigger. No, I don't think that makes him any more an artist,
and claims of cowardness or stupidity are not unfounded. But, I
think it's important to remember how he died before lumping
Cobain with all the other dead musicians who died from too much
"partying".
I don't know what pisses me off more, the fact that a bunch of
assholes like Nirvana (dude, they rock) or the fact that even
bigger assholes despised Nirvana and are now ridiculing the
tragedy because "Nirvana hasn't been cool since Bleach". I
remember reading a few weeks ago that Cobain was harassed by some
sarcastic assholes at a club: "wow, aren't you like in the B-
52's..."? What fuckers. How dare these brats play cooler-than-
thou because Nirvana happened to have a couple of very popular,
radio-friendly songs. Those assholes, even if they did have nose
rings, were probably conservative, close-minded, provincial
idiots getting ready to attend daddy's alma mater next fall.
Their most radical act in life will be getting drunk and pissing
off a balcony. Twenty years from now they'll be fighting with
their children about haircuts and curfews (continuing the cycle).
Those assholes have no right to accuse anyone of mediocrity or
selling out.
I'll leave you with something that explains, at least to myself,
why I've always liked Nirvana and especially Cobain beyond their
musical talent. It's apparently(?) a quote from a book or
article, posted recently by Sylvia {aivlys@delphi.com} in message
{RA3u6lP.aivlys@delphi.com} in soc.motss.
----begin quote----
But hanging out with an openly gay friend was a little more
risky than Kurt had anticipated. Soon, says, Kurt, "I started to
realize that people were looking at me even more peculiarly than
usual". He started to get harassed. It always seemed to happen in
PE class. After everybody got dressed, somebody would inevitably
call Kurt a faggot and push him up against a locker. "They felt
threatened because they were naked and I was supposedly gay,"
says Kurt. "So they either better cover up their penises or punch
me. Or both."
Life in high school just got harder for Kurt. Often, jocks
would chase him on the way home from school. Sometimes they
caught him. "Every day after school," says Kurt, "this one kid
would hold me down in the snow and sit on my head."
"After that", says Kurt, "I started being proud of the fact
that I was gay even though I wasn't. I really enjoyed the
conflict. It was pretty exciting, because I almost found my
identity. I was a _special_ geek. I wasn't quite the punk rocker
I was looking for, but at least it was better than being the
_average_ geek."
----end quote----
Jamshid Afshar
jamshid@ses.com
KURT AS PERFORMANCE ARTIST
From: lugo0001@gold.tc.umn.edu ()
Subject: cobain was a performance artist
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 1994 03:10:34 GMT
Kurt Cobain was a performance artist.
He was fundamentally aware of the absurdity of his position as a
cultural icon. He both had iconic status and at the same time
was making his viewers aware of the absurdity of that status.
In the end he did the ultimate performance, he sealed his fate as
the next in a series of dead pop stars, the stupid pop star club,
as his mother referred to. Perhaps he believed so much in his
own iconic status that he wanted to seal it with his death and
thus follow in the line of Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis
Joplin, Buddy Holly, Elvis and James Dean. There is nothing like
a dead pop star in America.
I don't really know what was in Kurt Cobain's mind, it is just so
American, it was so predictable. It was like a movie or a pop
song, just perfect for the packaging. MTV was ready and roaring
to make money off of his death so they dedicated the entire
weekend to him and dubbed him St. Cobain while they were racking
in the bucks. It is all so pop.
A performance artist is an individual who tinkers with our
perceptions of indevidual and of meaning, who alters the rules
and redefines them and yet is always aware of them, ultimately
making us aware of their inherent absurdity. To this end I argue
that Cobain was a performance artist.
Still, I really did like their music. There was something
original in it.
Chris Lugo
lugo0001@gold.tc.umn.edu
I was walking around the cemetery and the grass over the grave
parts of the cemetery was thicker and greener.
KURT AS PERFORMANCE ARTIST
From: ag877@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bob Beck)
Subject: Kurt, Peter, Lester
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 1994 05:22:56 GMT
"If I let myself get started I will only begin to rant and
threaten those who glamorize death, but there is a death in the
balance and you better look long and hard at it you stupid
fuckheads, you who treat life as a camp joke, you who have lost
your sense of wonder about the state of being alive itself...
"...Realizing life is precious the natural tendency is to trample
on it, like laughing at a funeral. But there are voluntary
reactions. I volunteer not to feel anything about him from this
day out, but I will not forget that this kid killed himself for
something torn T-shirts represented in the battle fires of his
ripped emotions, and that does not make your T-shirts profound,
on the contrary, it makes you a bunch of assholes if you espouse
what he latched onto in support of his long death agony, and if I
have run out of feeling for the dead I can also truly say that
from here on out I am only interested in true feeling, and the
pursuit of some ultimate escape from that was what killed Peter,
which is all I truly know of his life, except that the hardest
thing in this living world is to confront your own pain and go
through it, but somehow life is not a paltry thing after all next
to this child's inheritance of eternal black. So don't anybody
try to wave good-bye."
-- Lester Bangs, "Peter Laughner," 1977
bob beck ag877@freenet.carleton.ca
INSIDERS ACCOUNT
ben reitman (an3243@anon.penet.fi) wrote:
: i'm posting this because i'm sure there are some people out
there who really cared about kurt cobain. this message is
anonymous because i don't want to betray the trust of a friend
who knew kurt well.
: first of all, kurt *was* institutionalized. about a week ago,
he was driven by a friend and member of his managment company to
a rehab center in l.a. a few days later, after making a call in
which he sounded pretty good, he jumped a wall at the center and
took off. no one could find him --courtney even had a private
investigator looking for him, to no avail. they had of course,
checked the house in seattle, but sometime after they had, he
showed up and killed himself.
: he was a very sensitive and tormented young man, and many
people will miss him. this was not simply a selfish rich drug
addict, but someone who had a very tough childhood, one which
money could not heal and which fame only made more difficult.
contrary to stereotypes, some of the people who cared for him the
most were those making money "off" of him. people in the music
business aren't just about exploitation; a lot of people tried
hard to help kurt cobain, whether or not the sort of help he
needed would line pockets. so go ahead, bash the man or the
people around him, but do so with the knowledge that life and
relationships are more complicated than they seem.
: enough preachin i hope he is resting in peace.
: -please don't email directly to me; i know nothing else. post
responses on the net.
From: macgreg@world.std.com (MacGregor Group)
Subject: EXCERPTS FROM KURTS NOTE
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 1994 19:16:13 GMT
Since it seems noone has yet posted this, I might as well.
Reprinted from Tuesday edition of the Boston Globe.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Nirvana singer and guitarist Kurt Cobain will be cremated,
but there will not be an official funeral, a spokesman said
yesterday.
A private memorial attended by Cobain's family and friends
was held Sunday night in Seattle. Cobain's associates said
they wanted to avoid turning any public service into "some
zoo-type thing." Cobain, 27, shot himself in the head last
week, and left a note that said he no longer felt the passion
to go on with his music. Here are excerpts of Cobain's note,
read by wife Courtney Love on a tape played at Sunday's vigil:
I haven't felt excitement in listening to as well as creat-
ing music ... for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond
words about these things. For example, when we're backstage,
and the lights go out, and the manic roar of the crowd begins,
it doesn't affect me the way it did for, say, Freddie Mercury,
who seemed to have loved and relished the adoration of the
crowd. This is something I totally admire and envy.
The fact is, I can't fool you, any of you. It simply isn't
fair to you or me.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock
before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my
power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me, I do.
But it's not enough.
I must be one of those narcissists who only enjoy things
when they're alone. I'm too sensitive. Oh, I need to be
slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had
as a child.
On our last three tours, I had a much better appreciation
of all the people I've known personally and of fans of our
music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt
and the empathy I have for everybody. There is good in all
of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it
makes me feel too ... sad. Too sad, a little sensitive,
unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus, man.
And I had it good, very good. I'm grateful. But since
the age of 7, I've become hateful towards all humans in
general ... only because I love and feel for people too
much, I guess. I thank you all from the pit of my burning,
nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the
last years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody person that
I don't have the passion anymore. So remember, its better
to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love and empathy,
Kurt Cobain
-----------------------------------------------------------
[Personal parts to Courtney and Frances were omitted from
the published version - this isn't the complete note]
STELLA BLUE
From: trout@rainbow.ETC.tribe(Trout B. Rainbow III)
Subject: Journey on, Kurt
Date: 12 Apr 1994 23:21:54 GMT
All the years combine, they melt into a dream,
A broken angel sings from a guitar.
In the end there's just a song comes cryin' up the night
Thru all the broken dreams and vanished years.
Stella blue. Stella blue.
When all the cards are down, there's nothing left to see,
There's just the pavement left and broken dreams.
In the end there's still that song comes cryin' like the wind.
Down every lonely street that's ever been
Stella blue. Stella blue.
I've stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel, can't win for
trying.
Dust off those rusty strings just one more time,
Gonna make them shine, shine
It all rolls into one and nothing comes for free,
There's nothing you can hold, for very long.
And when you hear that song come crying like the wind,
It seems like all this life was just a dream.
Stella blue. Stella blue.
Stella Blue
by Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia
KURT AS MEDIA PERSONALITY
From: tsirbasc@ERE.UMontreal.CA (Tsirbas Christos)
Subject: Thoughts on Kurt Cobain's Death: A Eulogy of Sorts
Date: Wed, 13 Apr 1994 01:42:04 GMT
On Friday, 8 April 1994, a young man committed suicide. Such a
death would have gone unnoticed to all but a small circle of
friends and family were the young man not Kurt Cobain, leadsinger
of the group Nirvana. Kurt's death sent shockwaves through the
world as young people grieved for one of their own, but one who,
unlike the vast majority, had lived the last four years in the
limelight as a media personality.
Personality is a strange thing, and a paradox. It is that which
is most unique and private about an individual, that which is
most mysterious and least understood. Personality is also the
most public aspect of an individual, for it is this that
distinguishes one person from the next in human relationships and
communication.
Nikolai Berdiayeff, a Russian philosopher defined personality as
that about a singular individual that is a unique and
unrepeatable as a historical and existential event. He also
defined the personality as the uniqueness of each individual
human being as the ultimate arbitror of all morality and value
systems--he considered personality as the most universal of
universals, as the highest absolute.
This goes very much against the concept of personality that has
driven the media circus surrounding Kurt's death. His integrity
as a unique, unrepeatable, historical person has been violated by
the shallow definition of what constitutes a public personality
in terms of mass media culture.
Kurt Cobain, as a unique personality has never belonged to 'us'
or to anybody other than himself. If we choose to honour him as
a media personality, then we are doing him injustice as a human
being. If we judge him according to our standards and our
expections, then we have wronged his memory. There is nothing
more tragic, nor more natural than the loss of a human life.
What we mourn is not the inevitable demise of all living beings,
but rather the demiseof a particular, unique personality that has
somehow graced us. Whether that person is a distant rock star or
a close friend, we mourn the loss of a personality.
So let us mourn, but we must not mourn a person for what we made
(and continue to make) him out, but rather for who he was.
Kurt Cobain was a troubled young man who had the gift of being
able to share his pain through music. To remember him otherwise
is to harbour a false memory.
To remember him as a junkie is to be blind to what pain he may
have felt. That pain may seem petty to some of us, but then,
just like Kurt, we are each distinct, unrepeatable personalities,
and our reaction to similar pain, regardless if we have
experienced such, may not be the same as his.
To condemn him as a coward is morally unacceptable because we may
not share the same definition of cowardice that he did.
To label him poet-laureate, spokesperson of a generation is to
ascribe to him a role he probably did not want. It also lends
credibility and mystique to his suicide. It makes it an artistic
statement of sorts. His death did not stem from this role, nor
is it an artistic statement. It is the failure of a troubled
young man, the failure of a personality. We have no insight into
his true personality, at least not more than partially, but we
wish to ascribe a nobility to it and to his final act. This is
selfish on our part, for we wish to create in this way a
personality that is our collective property, an entity that is
closer to what the media made him to be than what he may truly
have been.
To blame fame, his fans, and the music industry trivializes his
pain, and it numbs us to ours. It is so much easier to blame a
failure such as his on cold, uncontrollable, impersonal external
forces than to face the fact that Kurt, like all of us,
essentially struggles alone, that--in the end--it is not the
outside world, but our interior being that often determines our
fate. It is frightening to admit that any one of us, as unique
and solitary personalities, struggles alone, that there are dark
forces within each one of us that can overtake our being
entirely. It is equally disheartening to admit that one we
looked up to was not as strong as we may have imagined.
To say that he was irresponsible in copping out on his wife and
daughter is to deny the possibility in our own lives that maybe,
just maybe, not all of us grow up to be responsible mature human
beings. It is incredibly difficult for us to consider that we
will not rise to the level of responsibility demanded of us as
parents, spouses, lovers, and friends. It is also frightening to
discover that the love of others may not be enough to make us
love ourselves.
These are the kinds of questions, doubts and thoughts that come
to us when faced with the suicide of an individual, whether that
person be a stranger, a friend, lover, family member, an artist,
or a media personality. Suicide forces us to consider ourselves
as personalities, and it forces us to consider the existence of
others as unique and unrepeatable personalities.
Kurt Cobain gave up. It is that simple. There was nothing left
for him that was beautiful or sacred, not his wife, his child,
his friends, his music, his life. This is a real tragedy, for it
is the ultimate failure of a human personality. To say that his
pain represents our collective anguish is to reduce his suffering
to the absurd, to diminish it to meaninglessness. This is
entirely selfish on our part, and it robs us of the significance
of his personality as a unique, unrepeatable event....
Chris Tsirbas
April 12th, 1994
===============
Drink entire: Against the madness of crowds!
-Ray Bradbury
Nothing's as obvious as what is lost,
Nothing's as painful as the cost....
-Blue Rodeo
From: jzenger1@cc.swarthmore.edu (Jason Zengerle)
Subject: haiku
Date: 13 Apr 1994 04:12:17 GMT
the blood stained carpet
reeks of brains and gun-powder
smells like teen spirit
From: jj_pete@pavo.concordia.ca (PETERS, JEFFREY J.)
Subject: He Opened Up New Doors For Me...
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 1994 05:52:00 GMT
I never would have checked out The Melvins, or the
Vaselines, or Meatpuppets, or whoever. I never would have read
Suskind's "Perfume". Kurt opened new doors for me (us), we will
miss him.
jj_pete@pavo.concordia.ca February 24, 6 a.m.
"There's been a body found
Go Irish! May God and Holtz in Washington state, Diane.
watch over you! A young woman, wrapped in
plastic. I'm headed for a
Clemens for Cy Young, 1994 little town called Twin Peaks."
Agent Cooper
From: schwenka@Informatik.TU-Muenchen.DE (Alexander Schwenk)
Subject: Re: When/where was Nirvana's last show?
Date: 14 Apr 1994 16:25:13 GMT
kwv@leland.Stanford.EDU (Kurt William Vogel) writes:
}Title says it: I'm curious when/where Nirvana's last show was.
Did anything interesting happen? Was it a good show? Anybody
got a tape?
}-Kurt
It was March 3rd in Munichs Terminal 1 (old airport) (BTW: Mnich
is in Germany, just to prevent questions from those wimps who
don't know ;-))
A friend of mine was there, but he didn't tell anything magic
about the show. They just were loud and crazy and jumping off the
speakers at the end (like always).
Hope this helps!
cu Alex may Kurt rest in peace !
DISCOGRAPHY
From: larocqu@gaul.csd.uwo.ca (John P. LaRocque)
Subject: Re: Let's Try To Move On! Where's The Discography?
Date: 14 Apr 1994 01:12:09 GMT
In article {13APR199417155503@pavo.concordia.ca},
PETERS, JEFFREY J. {jj_pete@pavo.concordia.ca} wrote:
} Can someone please, PLEASE, tell me where the latest
discography can be found...
The local newspaper carried a Toronto Sun article which did
include a discography.
Four studio albums:
Bleach
Nevermind
Incesticide
In Utero
It also included a discgraphy of 10 studio tracks not on the
albums:
1. Do You Love Me (from 1990 Kiss Tribute album "Hard to
Believe")
2. Marigold (Heart-Shaped Box B-side)
3. M.V. (All Apologies B-side)
4. Here She Comes Now (from 1991 Velvet Underground tribute,
"Heaven and Hell, Vol. 1"
5. Oh The Guilt (split 1993 single with Jesus Lizard)
6. Even In His Youth (Smells Like Teen Spirit B-side)
7. Curmudgeon (Lithium B-side)
8. D-7 (from "ormoaning", a 1990 japanese EP)
9. Verse Chorus Verse (hidden track on "No Alternative"
compilation album)
And finally:
10. I Hate Myself And Want To Die (from Beevis and Butthead
Experience)
}jj_pete@pavo.concordia.ca Kurt Cobain 1967-1994
} "The raining always starts
} when you go away..."
| "The final annihilation of the life form
John P. LaRocque | known as man. Let the attack begin."
larocqu@gaul.csd.uwo.ca|
| Imperious Leader
LENNON LYRICS
See article following this one.
From: lynch@corona.math.vt.edu (James Lynch)
Subject: Re: John Lennon --- Not that great.
Date: 14 Apr 1994 04:44:08 GMT
Huge Nirvana fan here. John Lennon did not write exlusively (or
all that often) happy pop tunes. Try "Working Man's Hero" or
"God" ("I don't believe in Beatles") if you don't believe me.
They are both on his first solo album. By the way, Kurt would not
have agreed with you about Lennon. I believe he was the one who
said that there was no point in making any music after the
Beatles, but oh what the hell.
James
From: jz39@namaste.cc.columbia.edu (Jason Zasa)
Subject: Re: John Lennon- Not that Great
Date: 14 Apr 1994 13:27:36 GMT
Anyone who would claim that John Lennon wrote mostly "Happy,
Innocuous, Pop Songs" is obviously not that farmilliar with Mr.
Lennon's work post 1965. I won't go on about this, and since
I'm not very familliar w/Cobain's work I can't really comment on
the Lennon\Cobain connection.
But if you think Lennon wasn't just as angry/suicidal/socially
pissed off/dark/hard-edged etc than Cobain, I'll just let some of
Lennon's lyrics speak for themselves: You Nirvana fans who have
never heard these songs would probably really like them.
Yer Blues
- By John Lennon (from the White Album, 1968)
Yes I'm lonely, wanna die
Yes I'm lonely, wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why
In the morning, wanna die
In the evening, wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why
Black cloud 'cross my mind
Blue mist 'round my soul
fell so suicidal, I even hate my rock n' roll
I'm lonely
Wanna Die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh Girl you know the reason why
The eagle picks my eye
The worm he licks my bone
I feel so suicidal
Just like Dylan's Mr. Jones
I'm lonely
Wanna Die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh Girl you know the reason why
My mother was of the sky
My father was of the earth
But I am of the universe
And You Know What It's Worth
I'm lonely
Wanna Die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh Girl you know the reason why
Working Class Hero
-- by John Lennon (From John Lennon-Plastic Ono Band, 1970)
As soon as you're born, they make you feel small
by giving you no time instead of it all
Till you're so full of pain you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class here is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
they hate you if you're clever and they dispise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty-odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
But you can't really function 'cause you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion & sex & t.v.
And you think you're so clever, and classless, and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There is room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero, just follow me
If you want to be a hero, just follow me...
I have a feeling Mr. Cobain may have been influenced by lyrics
like these.
Jay Zasa
"Priased be wood; it is milk"
-- Jack Kerouac
From: gsmattes@vela.acs.oakland.edu (GSM and CCH)
Subject: Re: Woman's point of view about song "Heart-Shaped Box"
Date: 14 Apr 1994 21:33:34 GMT
: One other question: why "like a pisces"? Kurt used the word
: "pisces" in his suicide note as well. What are the qualitites
: associated with the astrological sign? Or is it a reference
: to something else?
: Tom
Well, Kurt was a pisces, so that's probably why he used it so
frequently. The qualities that a piscean is supposed to exude (if
you buy that crap) are usually listed as: very sensitive,
artistic, prone to addiction to drugs/alcohol, romantic, kind,
gullible, etc...
Fits the bill, huh?
-GSM
NEVERMIND LYRICS
From: "Ravnos " {P3LQ@CSDNOV3.UNB.CA}
Subject: My final tribute to Kurt. Lyrics to Nevermind.
Date: Thu, 14 Apr 1994 13:10:01 GMT-400
Here are the lyrics to the album that put Nirvana on the charts,
why? We'll never know. It is just one of those mysterious
things...
Ravnos Durga Syn
@ALBUM: nevermind
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"Nevermind"
1991 - DGC 24425 [LP/CA/CD]
Songs: Smells Like Teen Spirit, In Bloom, Come As You Are, Breed,
Lithium, Polly, Territorial Pissings, Drain You, Lounge Act, Stay
Away, On A Plain, Something In The Way
Note: All but the first pressings of the CD include a bonus
hidden song after "Something in the Way" called "Endless
Nameless."
@SONG: Smells Like Teen Spirit
Load up on guns and
Bring your friends
It's fun to lose
And to pretend
She's over bored
And self assured
Oh no, I know
A dirty word
hello, how low? (x bunch of times)
With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yeah
I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end
hello, how low? (x bunch of times)
With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yeah
And I forget
Just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard
It was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind
hello, how low? (x bunch of times)
With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yeah, a denial
A denial
A denial...
@SONG: In Bloom
Sell the kids for food
Weather changes moods
Spring is here again
Reproductive glands
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say yeah
We can have some more
Nature is a whore
Bruises on the fruit
Tender age in bloom
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say yeah
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say yeah
@SONG: Come As You Are
Come
As you are
As you were
As I want you to be
As a friend
As a friend
As an old enemy
Take your time
Hurry up
The Choice is your
Dont' be late
Take a rest
As a friend
As an old memoria
memoria
memoria
memoria
Come
Dowsed in mud
Soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend
A a friend
As an old memoria
memoria
memoria
memoria
And I swear
That I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
memoria
memoria
memoria
memoria {don't have a gun}
And I swear
That I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No i don't have a gun
memoria
memoria
@SONG: Breed
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
Care if I'm old
I don't mind
I don't mind
I don't mind
I don't mind
mind
Don't have a mind
Get way
Get way
Get way
Get way
Get way
Way from your home
I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid
Fraid, of a ghost
Even if you have
Even if you need
I don't mean to stare
We don't have to breed
We can plant a house
We can build a tree
I don't even care
We could have all three
She said (X 8)
@SONG: Lithium
I'm so happy
Cause today I found my friends
They're in my head
I'm so ugly
But that's ok, 'cause so are you
We've broke our mirrors
Sunday morning
Is everyday for all I care
And I'm not scared
Light my candles
In a daze 'cause I've found god
Yeah (x bunch of times)
I'm so lonely and
That's ok, I shaved my head
And I'm not sad
And just maybe
I'm to blame for all I've heard
And I'm not sure
I'm so excited
I can't wait to meet you there
And I dont' care
I'm so horny but
That's ok, my will is good
Yeah (x bunch of times)
I like it
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack
I like it
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack
I'm so happy
Cause today I found my friends
They're in my head
I'm so ugly
But that's ok, 'cause so are you
We've broke our mirrors
Sunday morning
Is everyday for all I care
And I'm not scared
Light my candles
In a daze 'cause I've found god
Yeah (x bunch of times)
I like it
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack
I like it
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack
@SONG: Polly
Polly wants a cracker
Think I should get off of her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch
It isn't me
We have some seed
Let me clip
Your dirty wings
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
I've got some rope
You have been told
I promise you
I have been true
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
Polly wants a cracker
Maybe she would like more food
She asks me to untie her
A chase would be nice for a few
It isn't me
We have some seed
Let me clip
Your dirty wings
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
I've got some rope
You have been told
I promise you
I have been true
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
{Polly said}
Polly says her back hurts
And she's just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard
It amazes me, the will of instinct
It isn't me
We have some seed
Let me clip
Your dirty wings
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
I've got some rope
You have been told
I promise you
I have been true
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
@SONG: Territorial Pissings
{intro thing}
When I was an alien
Cultures weren't opinions
Gotta find a way
To find a way
When I'm there
Gotta find a way
A better way
I had better wait
Never met a wise man
If so it's a woman
Gotta find a way
To find a way
When I'm there
Gotta find a way
A better way
I had better wait
Gotta find a way
To find a way
When I'm there
Gotta find a way
A better way
I had better wait
Just because you're paranoid
Don't mean they're not after you
Gotta find a way
To find a way
When I'm there
Gotta find a way
A better way
Gotta find a way
To find a way
When I'm there
Gotta find a way
A better way
I had better wait
Gotta find a way
To find a way
When I'm there
Gotta find a way
A better way
I had better wait
Gotta find a way
To find a way
When I'm there
Gotta find a way
A better way
I had better wait
@SONG: Drain You
One baby to another says
I'm lucky to have met you
I don't care what you think unless
It is about me
It is now my duty to completely drain you
A travel through a tube and end up in your infection
Chew your meat for you
Pass it back and forth
In a passionate kiss
From my mouth to yours
'cause I like you
With eyes so dilated
I've became your pupil
You've taught me everything
Without a poison apple
The water is so yellow
I'm a healthy student
Indebted and so grateful
Vacuum out the fluids
Chew your meat for you
Pass it back and forth
In a passionate kiss
From my mouth to yours
'cause I like you
You
You
You
You
You
One baby to another says
I'm lucky to have met you
I don't care what you think unless
It is about me
It is now my duty to completely drain you
A travel through a tube and end up in your infection
Chew your meat for you
Pass it back and forth
In a passionate kiss
From my mouth to yours
Sloppy it lips to lips
You're my vitamins
'cause I'm like you
@SONG: Lounge Act
Truth covered in security
I can't let you smother me
I'd like to but it wouldn't work
Trading off and taking turns
I don't regret a thing
I've got this friend, you see
Who makes me feel
And I wanted more
Than I could steal
I'll arrest myself
And wear a shield
I'll go out of my way
To prove I still
Smell her on you
Don't, tell me what I wanna hear
Afraid of never knowning fear
Experience anything yoy need
I'll keep fighting jealousy
Until it's fucking gone
I've got this friend, you see
Who makes me feel
And I wanted more
Than I could steal
I'll arrest myself
And wear a shield
I'll go out of my way
To prove I still
Smell her on you
Truth covered in security
I can't let you smother me
I'd like to but it wouldn't work
Trading off and taking turns
I don't regret a thing
I've got this friend, you see
Who makes me feel
And I wanted more
Than I could steal
I'll arrest myself
And wear a shield
I'll go out of my way
To make you a deal
We've make a pact
To learn from who
Ever we want
Without new rules
We'll share what's lost and what we grew
They'll go out of their way
To prove they still
Smell her on you
They still, smell her on you
Smell her on you
@SONG: Stay Away
Monkey See, monkey do
{I don't know why}
I'd rather be deal than cool
{I don't know why}
Every line ends in rhyme
{I don't know why}
Less is more, love is blind
{I don't know why}
Stay
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
Give an inch, take a smile
{I don't know why}
Fashion shits, fashion stile
{I don't know why}
Throw it out and keep it in
{I don't know why}
Have to have poison skin
{I don't know why}
Stay
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
I don't know why
I don't know why
Stay
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
Monkey See, monkey do
{I don't know why}
I'd rather be deal than cool
{I don't know why}
Every line ends in rhyme
{I don't know why}
Less is more, love is blind
{I don't know why}
Stay
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
I don't know why
I don't know why
Stay
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
Stay
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
God is gay
@SONG: On A Plain
I'll start this off
Without any words
I got so high that
I scratched 'til I bled
Love myself
Better than you
I know it's wrong
So what should I do?
The finest day
That I ever had
Was when I learned
To cry on command
Love myself
Better than you
I know it's wrong
So what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
My mother died
Every night
It's safe to say
Don't quote me on that
Love myself
Better than you
I know it's wrong
So what should I do?
The black sheep got
Blackmailed again
Forgot to put
On the zip code
Love myself
Better than you
I know it's wrong
So what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As defense I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say?
It is now time
To make it unclear
To write off lines
That don't make a sense
Love myself
Better than you
I know it's wrong
So what should I do?
One more special
Message to go
And then I'm done
And I can go home
Love myself
Better than you
I know it's wrong
So what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on aplain
I can't complain
@SONG: Something In The Way
Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
But it's ok to eat fish
Cause they haven't any feelings
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
Ummmmm
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
Ummmmm
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
Ummmmm
Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
But it's ok to eat fish
Cause they haven't any feelings
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
Ummmmm
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
Ummmmm
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
Ummmmm
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
Ummmmm
Something in the way
Ummmmm
Something in the way, yea
@SONG: Ummmmm
Source: Lithium CD single and the original recordings.
Transcribed: Vinicius Vasconcellos {cello@inf.ufrgs.br}
*************************** . Ravnos
* Sothi Nuinqua Tsalarioth * . P3LQ@csdnov3.unb.ca
* -Faithful Beyond Death * . P3LQ@cenov1.unb.ca
***************************
On the edge of sleep, I heard the voices behind the door...
The known, the nameless, familiar and faceless...
My angels and my demons are at war.
Rush, Double Agent
From Date: Thu, 14 Apr 1994 12:13:57 CDT
From: {U33466@uicvm.uic.edu}
Subject: verse chorous verse
These are the lyrics to track 19 on "no alternative"
They now seem ironic
and if you save yourself
you will make him happy
and keep him in a jar then
youll make you happy
and give you breathing holes
then youll make you happy
and cover you with grass
then youll make you happy now
youre in a laundry room youre in a laundry room
youre clue just came to you
and if you cut yourself you will make you happy
and keep you in a jar then youll make him happy
and give you breathing holes then youll make you happy
and cover you with grass then youll make you happy now
youre in a laundry room youre in a laundry room
youre clue just came to you
youre in a laundry room youre in a laundry room
youre clue just came to you
and if you fool yourself you will make him happy
and keep you in a jar then youll make you happy
and give you breathing holes then youll will seem happy
you wallow in the s@!t then youll make you happy now
youre in a laundry room
youre in a laundry room
youre in a laundry room
youre clue just came to you.........
RIP Kurdt, thanks for the memories,
Keith Lipinski U33466@uicvm.cc.uic.edu
MEDIA SUMMARY
From From: Sylvia {aivlys@delphi.com}
Subject: Cobain: media summary, Hilburn article summary
Date: Thu, 14 Apr 94 16:33:15 -0500
DISCLAIMER:
I apologize for posting to alt.music.alternative, but not
all sites receive alt.music.nirvana yet. This is beyond my
control. Please do not yell at me if you don't understand how
alt. groups work.
With all this SHIT happening, I thought I would just post a
summary of what NEWS I've been able to piece together. This is a
NEWS group, yes?????????
This message is long, but at the end some details are included
from Robert Hilburn's Wednesday newspaper article.
Very interesting stuff.
TV:
On the Monday following Kurt's death, MTV played, uncut,
Courtney's recording of the public parts of Kurt's note, which
was played at the memorial.
While shows such as CNN's "Showbiz Today", and "American Journal"
played portions, only MTV played the entire event, complete with
an on-screen scrolling transcription.
While nothing in life is guaranteed, it is probably HIGHLY LIKELY
that this segment will be repeated on MTV's show "The Week in
Rock" this weekend. If you have not seen this report in its
entirety, I recommend you try and catch MTV's "Week In Rock" this
weekend (if you're a fucking FAN, alright???)
MTV's report was preceded by information gotten from a telephone
call Courtney Love placed to MTV. In the call, Courtney
discussed the attempt at a drug intervention using a rehab firm
she characterized as a bunch of "scum".
She mentioned that suicide had actually occurred in Kurt's family
history, but that her beautiful baby was going to beat the
"Cobain curse". She said that at the end, Kurt "drove everybody
away", and that there were business types who kept saying to him
"career, career, career".
After reporting on the memorial, CNN's "Showbiz Today" reported
on Nirvana's skyrocketing sales, especially for the "earlier
albums on independent labels." A video shot showed the Nirvana
rack in a store chock full of copies of "In Utero", but without
copies of any other titles (title cards were there, but no
discs.) One distributor commented that he was shipping twice the
normal volume of "In Utero".
Also on Monday, the television show "A Current Affair" did a
muckraking report from Seatlle on Kurt's drug abuse. An
unidentified junkie claimed to see Kurt in the junkie haunts over
time, and also claimed he delivered a hefty package of drugs to
Kurt's house from which they both sociably shot up.
On Tuesday, "A Current Affair" played footage of John Lydon, at a
book signing of all things, making disparaging remarks about
people who took Kurt's way out, wondering when "they'll ever
learn."
On Tuesday, MTV reported that Michael Stipe had an official
reaction. Stipe said that while he and Kurt discussed working
together, nothing was recorded. Stipe said that Kurt loved his
family, and his bandmates as well.
In yesterday's Philadelphia Inquirer, an article written by LA
Times writer Robert Hilburn (and I guess, syndicated in many
other cities as well) details a lot of the frenzied activity
leading up to Kurt's death, and the efforts of friends and
associates to intervene in a very serious situation.
[TIMELINE]
Interesting points in summary:
* The coma in Rome WAS a suicide attempt. "Sources say" there was
a note and all, and KC ingested 60 pills.
* On March 18, Kurt locked himself in a room with four guns.
Police confiscated the weapons, and accepted Kurt's
explanation that he and Courtney were arguing.
* Following this, Krist Novoselic was one of the people at the
Cobain house, unsuccessfully trying to coax Kurt back to reality.
The article mentions that Kurt and Krist have known each other
since High school.
* "A friend" claims that Kurt is in denial over drugs.
* Courtney convinces Kurt to follow her to LA, where she was
doing promo work, to enroll himself in treatment. He did, on
March 28, 3 days after Courtney got there.
* Kurt left the facility after three days without warning, and
Courtney hired private investigators, who were unsuccessful in
locating him. Clues were scattered, and rumours flying, but no
one saw him until the electrician found him.
++Sylvia
From: Sylvia {aivlys@delphi.com}
Subject: NYTimes: Op-Ed piece of 14-Apr summarized
Date: Fri, 15 Apr 94 09:28:43 -0500
If you are finding, as I am, that the media coverage of this
whole thing is not much better than USENET flame wars, you might
want to check out a very thoughtful piece on Kurt on the New York
Times' Op-Ed page in the April 14. '94 (Thursday) edition.
Written by former Times Theatre critic Frank Rich, who has two
teenage sons at home, the piece deals with the media
martyrization/massacre of Cobain, and whether the strong affinity
many people are feeling for Kurt's art and experience is telling
us something we don't want to hear.
Rich doesn't pretend to now be a fan of Nirvana's music, but he
did, at the behest of his sons, closely listen to the music he
had only heard through their bedroom doors, and checked out
Michael Azzerad's book ("Come As You Are").
This piece, by dismissing the noise around Cobain (be it from
Douglas Copeland or Newsweek) offers the only intelligent
analysis of the situation I've seen. Recommended.
(Am I typing it up? No! My momma didn't raise no typist!! :)
++Sylvia
From: Sylvia {aivlys@delphi.com}
Subject: Courtney arrest, Kurt was back on junk, Kurt OD'ed May
'93
Date: Fri, 15 Apr 94 09:29:55 -0500
The Philadelphia Inquirer had the following entry on its
"People Page" today (Friday April 15). The source is either AP,
Reuters, or the New York Times. Individual blurbs aren't
credited. :-P)
_The Nirvana Notebook_
The day before Kurt Cobain's body was found in Seattle last
week, wife Courtney Love was rushed to a hospital with a possible
OD and was later booked on drug charges by Beverly Hills police.
A police spokesman said officers went to the pricey Peninsula
Hotel April 7 to check on reports of drug use and found
paramedics taking Love, 28, to Century City Hospital. When she
left the hospital she was charged with possession of heroin and
drug paraphernalia. She posted $10,000 bail and is slated for a
May 5 arraignment.
In other news, Love told a Seattle TV station Wednesday that
Cobain was on heroin when he killed himself, noting that
narcotics were found next to his body. A Seattle newspapersaid
tests showed heroin and Valium in Cobain's bloodstream. "Kurt
was very depressed," Love said in the TV interview. "Some people
have thin skins. He tried things like Prozac but opiates were
what made him feel better."
Also, Seattle police released a report Wednesday describing
a previous Cobain OD May 2, 1993 when he injected himself with
$40 worth of heroin, after which he shook and became delirious.
Love told police at the time that she tried to treat him with the
illegal drug buprenophine - sometimes used to bring users out of
a heroin OD - then gave him a Valium, three Benadryls and four
Tylenols with codeine to induce vomiting.
From: mbtst3@pitt.edu (Michael B Tierney)
Subject: Cobain: Latest victim of the WOsD ( was Re: COBAINS
DEATHIS IRRELEVANT TO THIS NEWSGROUP.
Date: 16 Apr 1994 03:29:00 GMT
Joseph E. Ckarke (jec4@Ra.MsState.Edu) wrote:
: of concerns everywhere, not only here. Why is cobains death in
this newsgroup? We have drugs to talk about.
Actually, Cobain is a fairly good example of someone who
needed medical painkillers, but was tortured by the 'junkie'
label that the WOsD promotes so heavily.
His wife stated that she regretted trying to get him off of
'drugs', and in a great quote, that she should have 'let him have
his numbness rather than strip him to the bone'. Cobain's
intolerable stomach problems gave him a MEDICAL reason for taking
painkilling drugs, such as heroin, but because of the
recreational association of those drugs, and the War on Drugs, he
was unable to get a safe, medical prescription for them. Kurt
had also mentioned in interviews about how much emotional pain it
caused him to see the media paint him as a junkie, knowing what
his daughter might think of him when she was old enough to be
innundated with that message.
No one is a fan of opium addiction, but if someone has a
medical need for a drug, s/he should be able to be prescribed
appropriate medicines for their condition WITHOUT feeling like
they are some kind of sub-human for needing that kind of
treatment. Kurt was a victim of the ideology that it is somehow
preferable to live in excruciating pain rather than obtain
treatment with a 'socially unpopular', but safe medicine. In
short, Kurt was yet another victim of the War On (some) Drugs.
Enjoy!
-me
Mike Tierney: mbt+@pitt.edu ; CIS:70604,1512 ;
http://www.pitt.edu/~mbt
"One of the great joys in my life is sitting on my back porch,
playing a Hohner Harmonica, and smoking a hemp cigarette."
-Abraham Lincoln, according to Hohner Harmonica Co.
POEMS
From: binesh@panix.com (Binesh Bannerjee)
Subject: Re: Kurt Cobain - RIP
Date: 12 Apr 1994 20:08:20 -0400
Lady of the Lake (charis@u.washington.edu) wrote:
: Kurt
: a real guy
: not a hero
: or a martyr
: I liked to watch you play your guitar
: didn't know you
: but I'll miss you anyway
: I imagine-
: the thing that you had to do
: play music
: made you the thing you hated
: famous
: i wasn't a die-hard fan
: i liked your music
: why am i so sad?
: who are you to affect me?
: the jaded shell of living
: is shattered
... Unfortunately *applause* doesn't seem quite right... But
thanks for posting
this...
Binesh
: -charis ** charis@u.washington.edu **
eeep! The .sig monster ate my .sig...
From: aa687@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Keith Ammann)
Subject: Cobain Haiku
Date: 13 Apr 1994 00:37:47 GMT
Kurt Cobain is dead
Many grieve, some moralize
I'm still underpaid.
Keith Ammann is
"Those who talk about the future are prospero@cup.portal.com
scoundrels. It is the present that and a '90s kind of guy
matters." -- Louis Ferdinand Celine,
French Nazi collaborator "Dogs can't vote!"
"Not directly."
From: j_garon@illuminati.io.com (Jesse Garon)
Subject: Re: Cobain Haiku
Date: 13 Apr 1994 14:15:36 -0500
Keith writes:
}}Kurt Cobain is dead
}}Many grieve, some moralize
}}I'm still underpaid.
Steve K adds:
}Since Cobain is dead
}I hear constantly playing
}Smells Like Teen Spirit
The media sucks
Kurt Cobain pulled a trigger
But they blame the drugs.
j_garon@io.com
-----------------------------------------------------
the imagologist suffers from the mania for signifying
SARTRE
From: chadd@nando.net (Chad Dickerson)
Subject: Sartre and Kobain
Date: 13 Apr 1994 13:27:37 -0400
Kobain's death reminded me of a passage in Sartre's _Nausea_.
Take it for what you will.
"The disc is scratched and wearing out, perhaps the singer is
dead. . . But behind the existence which falls from one present
to the other, without a past, without a future, behind these
sounds which decompose from day to day, peel off and slip towards
death, the melody stays the same, young and firm, like a pitiless
witness. . . . "
Chad Dickerson
chadd@nando.net
COURTNEY READS KURTS NOTE
From: Bat@cyberden.com (Bat)
Newsgroups: rec.music.industrial
Subject: Kurt's Note as read by Courtney
Date: 12 Apr 94 02:33:41 GMT
Windows .WAV file available on The CyberDen - 415.472.5527 in :
\cyberlink\cultures\alternative\sounds
Also available via anonymous ftp to cyberden.com (Same Dir)
[note: I tried it. Doesn't work with anon ftp, but registration
appears to be free and the file is there... not sure how to
fetch it via telnet though]
-----
I don't know what to say. I feel the same way you guys do. If you
guys don't think... to sit in this room where he played guitar
and sang, and feel so honored to be near him, you're crazy...
Anyway, he left a note, it's more like a letter to the fucking
editor. I don't know what happened. I mean it was gonna happen,
but it could've happened when he was 40. He always said he was
gonna outlive everybody and be a hundred and twenty. I'm not
gonna read you all the note 'cause it's none of the rest of your
fucking business. But some of it is to you. I don't really think
it takes away his dignity to read this considering that it's
addressed to most of you. He's such an asshole. I want you all to
say 'asshole' really loud.
"This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings
from the punk rock 101 courses over the years since my first
introduction to the shall we say, ethics involved with
independence and embracement of your community, it's proven to be
very true. "I haven't felt the excitment of listening to as well
as creating music, along with really writing something, for too
many years now." I feel guilty beyond words about these things --
for example, when we're backstage and the light go out and the
roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which
it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love and relish the
love and adoration of the crowd."
Well, Kurt, so fucking what -- then don't be a rock star you
asshole.
"Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact that I
can't fool you, any one of you, it simply isn't fair to you or to
me. The worst crime I could think of would be to pull people off
by faking it, pretending as if I'm having 100% fun"
Well Kurt, the worst crime I can think of is for you to just
continue being a rock star when you fucking hate it, just fucking
stop.
"Sometimes I feel as I should have a punch-in time-clock before I
walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to
appreciate it, and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not
enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have effected and
entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists
who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive.
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I
once had as a child. On our last 3 tours I've had a much better
appreciation of all the people I know personally, and as fans of
our music, but I still can't get out the frustration to gather
the empathy I have for everybody. There's good in all of us and I
simply love people too much."
So why didn't you just fucking stay?
"So much that it makes me feel just too fucking sad. Sad little
sensative unappreciative Pieces --"
Jesus man oh shut up.. bastard. Why didn't you just enjoy it? I
don't know. Then he goes on to say personal things to me that are
none of your damn business; personal things to Frances that are
none of your damn business.
"I had a good marriage, and for that I'm grateful. But since the
age of seven, I've become hateful toward all humans in general
only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have
empathy."
Empathy?
"Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank
you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your
letters and concern during the last years. I'm pretty much of an
erratic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore. Peace,
Love, Empathy, Kurt Cobain."
And there is some more personal things that is none of your damn
business. And just remember: this is all bullshit... And I'm
laying in our bed, and I'm really sorry. And I feel the same way
you do. I'm really sorry you guys. I don't know what I could have
done. I wish I'd been here. I wish I hadn't listened to other
people, but I did.
Every night I've been sleeping with his mother, and I wake up in
the morning and think it's him because his body's sort of the
same.
I have to go now.
-- Courtney Love
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